The Message That Save Me – and Resurrected The Cat
I didn’t think I left much of an impression. I didn’t believe my presence had made any difference at all.
My three daughters and I were on our way back to Florida from Kansas via Ohio, West Virginia and North Carolina. I had been on the road all summer while my daughters spent that time with their father. When I came to pick them up I still had events to do in all those locations.
A couple more weeks of travel seemed like forever at the end of a summer spent on the road. I was ready to go home and hide for awhile.
By the time I arrived at my event in West Virginia I felt I was not giving as much love as I ought.
I judged myself, felt I could have done better, if only it had been at the beginning of the summer.
And now many years later, I found myself tired again. This time it was a different kind of tired. A deeper, soulful tired.
I wondered if I could keep being who and what I am. At the end of 2012 I felt empty, as if I had nothing left to give at all. I felt small and wondered if my presence still made any kind of difference to anyone.
The joy of serving was gone and I wondered what else I could do. What career path could I possibly choose if not the one that I have?
I had to make a change. I wasn’t just tired of traveling and tired of making ends meet… I was tired of being Cat RunningElk.
Speaking confidentially with my closest friends we mused over the choices. I felt there were none.
I crashed. Did nothing. Withdrew.
I pulled Mystic Mommy out of circulation. (or at least I tried to…) I took down my website and decided I should pick a new less noticeable name for my new life.
For my next incarnation in this body I thought, “Real Estate. That’s it. I am tired of living hand to mouth.” And I tried on new rich sounding names.
Then my best friend died, and with her passing I stopped musing about names, making money, and other insignificant things.
I tossed and turned feeling her spirit with me night and day.
Megan and I were both struggling emotionally. Before she passed we were talking about our challenges often on the phone. Both of us were feeling tired and impatient for something more in our love lives, in our careers and in our finances. We encouraged each other and did the best we could to remind the other to be patient.
Now she was on the other side telling me to enjoy life now. Don’t wait. Be happy and grateful for what you have and who you are right now.
She tells me my life is incredible and I need to come back to the truth that who I am and the way that I live, although unconventional, it is to be celebrated. Instead of feeling like I need to blend and pursue the material life, she made it clear I only needed to get my second wind.
“Don’t quit now, Cat. You are making a difference…” she tells me late one night.
It is the evening before her funeral. All my thoughts are about her. Every where I turn people are talking about her, about her death, about her life, about how they heard about the fire.
And just as I am feeling that all around me is sad news, bad news and grief, Megan tells me in a voice as clear as when she was in the physical, “Cat, sit down and take a look at your life.”
She sat me down and told me to take a look at myself. Even though the internet was filling with stories of how Megan touched lives, she told me to look at myself for a change. Both of us really needed to wake up to the truth. She realized the truth of her life after she left, and she wanted me to understand mine here and now.
Googling myself I found that even though I tried to remove myself from the world, I was still stuck in the web. Anyone who has tried to remove themselves from Facebook know it can’t be done. Try to remove books and other parts of yourself and it is just as sticky as that Facebook thing. Once we are a part of something we cannot remove the imprint we made.
In the google search, among other interesting things, I found a newsletter from the place in West Virginia where I stopped on our way back to Florida many years ago. They took one of my recent stories, about our little fish, and put it in their newsletter.
Here is what the Director of the International Metaphysical University had to say about the tired woman who felt she gave so little and didn’t make an impression:
“I’ve had the great pleasure of meeting Cat Running Elk at one point in the past. Cat is an intuitive… who drove up from Florida to teach a class at my center in WV. I found her to be very special. She’s one of those women who spews love and lives her life with complete devotion to spirit by allowing life to flow through her with absolute courage. And she does it all with her kids in tow!…I have subscribed to her newsletter ever since and I thought the story she wrote today was particularly compelling. Any of us who have ever loved an animal, even the most unlikely of animals, knows that this is true. And I can only assume that many of our students also talk to animals so you will understand the truth in what she says.” (International Metaphysical University)
And she shared my little fish story.
I reread what she wrote, closed my computer, and gave thanks.
I gave thanks to the woman in West Virgina, I gave thanks to Megan for opening my eyes and I gave thanks that the woman they spoke of, Cat RunningElk, is ME!
One message, just a few words of encouragement, and my perspective flipped. I don’t have to be Cat, I get to be Cat.
And if showing up tired and drained is still enough to make a difference, being me really is enough. Being authentic, even if we are tired, is enough. Showing up, even when we aren’t our best, is enough.
Megan often wondered why she was still waiting tables. Ask anyone she served, and they will tell you what a difference she made. Her presence touched more lives because she was forced to serve. She longed for financial prosperity so she could quit serving and stay home and write. But through serving, she touched countless lives.
Now she is telling me to do it differently. Don’t serve because you have to. Do it because you want to.
I am glad to know my presence makes a difference. Everyone needs to know that. Everyone. And how wonderful when we get to find that out while we are still here.
Let others know they make a difference in your life. A kind word or two does make a difference. A few kind words from a woman I barely met saved this Cat.
Thank you to everyone who has ever emailed me, sent a note or card or letter. Thank you for kind words. Thank you, thank you, thank you. We can never receive enough of those. I am letting all of your positive messages come in now.
We all doubt. We all fall down. We all get into dark spaces. And we all sometimes wonder if our life has any meaning. Are we doing what we came to do? Are we making a difference? Will we be remembered? Will it all be worth it in the end? Does anyone care?
The answer is yes, your life matters. You are making a difference. You will be remembered because your life has significance. Someone needs you and your love. I need it. I need people to love and I need people to love me back. And so I thank each and every one of you for being a part of my my life.
Now turn around and tell someone else. No, this isn’t a chain letter and nothing bad will happen to you if you don’t do what I am suggesting. It’s just a suggestion. Well, a strong suggestion.
We must love each other. We need to show affection and appreciation to everyone we care about. We must be persistent in reaching out to one another. We must continue to let our loved ones know how much we need them and appreciate them.
A few kind words can make a difference. A simple, honest, heart-felt message can turn a life around.
Now my life begins again. I feel that second wind behind me. This weekend I will be back out in the public eye…I haven’t done an event like this in years, so if you are in Kansas City stop by my table at the Communiversity Wholistic Health Fair this Sunday, April 14th.
I may be road weary from time to time, but as long as I’m still here on this planet I have a lot of giving, a lot of loving and a lot of living left to do.
As me. Cat RunningElk.
And I can’t run from that.
“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming “Wow! What a Ride!”